Wednesday, September 25, 2013

I suffer from depression Part III: Taking a shower


 

Todays topic: taking a shower

 So the day has started, I pulled myself from my bed. At the moment I read my novel in the mornings and get up at 10.
But getting to the shower is similarly hard as getting out of bed. Don’t get me wrong I love to be clean and fresh! And actually once I am IN the shower, I quite enjoy the showering itself. But the path to the shower is hard and rocky.
It’s thinking: I won’t see anyone today, so who cares? Or: I will do this or that later and will sweat then – no need to shower beforehand (Even though it has been days since my last shower). The other part of it is energy, there’s none. And no motivation.

I feel ugly and that only adds to my not feeling well, but the thought is: I don’t deserve better for being such a slouch.
Society makes me think I am not good enough and I work hard to NOT let that seep into my thinking… Not easy at all!

How to help:

Well, if you think I’d need a shower, just tell me: Take a shower. Or: It’s about time you took a shower. Or something like that. Don’t make it a big thing, don’t feel like you’re taking away my independency, you’re NOT! You would only help me through hard times, so I don’t have to go through them alone (never really alone because of God, but it’s good to have people on earth cheer you on as well).


Clarification:

I am not writing all this to make you all understand how I feel, because I can’t describe that. I just want to share my daily battles, so others can see what’s going on. If you haven’t had or have a depression you will not GET this, how it is to have no energy at all, and no motivation. You’re mostly likely thinking: Just suck it up already! But that’s not the way it works. And actually I am glad if you don’t get this, because all my battles aren’t yours then and quite a lot of things will be easier for you. But I want you to know about things, not standing in the dark. You do not need to understand, I want you to accept that it’s not about sucking it up, but it is a sickness. Give that person all the love you can, they can’t themselves and feel unworthy (and that might be true as well, because people surrounding think that as well), just stand by their sides and never cease to love them. (Luckily I am loving myself, even unshowered ;) )
There’s a saying: “Love me a good deal more, when I deserve it least, that’s when I need it most.” Which quite says it.

I am not writing this for my friends to do all the tips I write out. I just want to point out what a way of helping could include. Most feel helpless when confronted with depression in their surroundings and I totally get that. One wants to help friends and family. Just standing there besides and not being able to do anything to help is hard. For me the help I need is less on the inner things, but the outer things. 

The other parts of this series:
Part I: Why write this andGetting out of bed
Part II: About my depression andthe wave formation 
Part IV: Getting good at"failing"

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