Wednesday, September 18, 2013

I suffer from depression PART II: About my depression and the wave formation

Well this is coming out sooner than expected. I am amazed by the feedback I got on my first post. A little here and there brightens up my day. Thanks to everyone!

I just wanted to clarify some things:
Even though I suffer from depression, I have my life under control (mostly). I am by NO MEANS suicidal or having a real dark mood. I have been depressive since 2006, so it's not new either.
I have been in therapy for three years and I didn't need it anymore just recently. I still have her in my back hand and I could email her and get an appointment, but I am able to tackle my depressive life on my own. I am one of the lucky ones who aren't terribly sad all the time. The "normal despressive person" would be like S.A.D. all the time, which I am not. But depression is so much more than that. That's why I am doing this series, to show what depression is for ME. Everyone is different and suffers from different symptoms.

Depression is something that stays with you (at least in my case, there are other cases!). It's something that effects my live in waves. There are episodes where I have my symptoms like crazy, and there are times where I don't feel so affected by it. But I have also come to the conclusion that life is a wave formation:

I  have a quite positive outlook on my life and my future, it could make you think that I am not really depressive. But as I said, I am more than my sickness and I have always been too curious about my future (especially my husband and kids to be). I wanted and still want to be a mother before dying.

And also, as a Christian I rest in God. He fills me up with His unconditional love so that I can pour it over to others. I have little energy and motivation but I DEEPLY love my friends. Even though I am not at all good at holding contact (another depression thingy), I have so much love for them in my heart. Even some people that (I think) do not even know that I see them as a friend. Sometimes my thoughts about how a person could react makes it hard to reconnect with people. But I love them. Jesus was the first one who made me see and believe that I am meant to be ME, and that I've really been good enough always. I struggle with many things, but hej: I am ok, I am not perfect, and I don't need to be. I am still depressive, but I do not longer let it define me! I am stronger than that. Yes life is a everyday struggle, but some days are easier than others, and I know that I am not the only one who's working hard to make life work! So: Keep on moving and never stop. Work hard. On some days the depression is just overwhelming, think to yourself: It's okay today, but it's gotta stop tomorrow. Sometimes I need these days, because my body craves them from me and I feel a lot better the next day. Important is to always be sure to live it, but only for a day. I need to fall into that dark hole sometimes only to see again how BRIGHT and SHINY my life really is. How many people love me and care about me. I do not have as much energy than others, but I have MY amount of energy, and that is better than not having any energy at all...

Is there a way to help?

 As said in my first post: NEVER EVER underestimate a good old hug! A little longer than a normal hug and I think that you have said it all! Sometimes words just fail, but a hug never fails.

The other parts in this series:
Part I: Why write this and Getting out of bed
 Part III: Taking a shower
Part IV: Getting good at"failing"  

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