Wednesday, October 2, 2013

I suffer from depression Part IV: Getting good at "failing"

 When dealing with depression I learned to get better and better at failing. Well, sometimes some things get done, maybe even gloriously. But most of the time, you do not get to do a lot. And it's hard to enjoy anything anyways.

Thing is: I am not perfect. In fact, nobody is.
I was a bookworm in my teens and I felt everyone was perfect, or at least better than I was.
Maybe I am a real looser regarding the shower or getting my days started and many other things; but I have a real BIG heart, I mean REAL BIG! I do not want to be bragging about anything concerning myself, but in my depression it is essential to always have to have something positive to set against all my failures.

While I was in my worst time of depression I learned to fail. To not drag myself deeper down than I already was.
If I didn't get anything done, even this or that I had planned. I'm working on not letting that define me. I am not what I do. Neither am I what I feel (this one is even harder).

This doesn't work out always. Not at all. Usually I set myself the limit of one day to really sink into that hole, but the day after is got to be better.

Part of this solution for me was the knowing that God loves me the way I am. That does in no way mean, that I couldn't get better. I could get a better ME. I am not supposed to be like any of the others I always wished to be. I wished to be someone else, someone stronger, with more self control (the list goes ooon), but I am not. I am ME. I am supposed to be me and I am loved the way I am.

The other parts of this series:
PART I: Why write this and Getting out of bed 
PART II: About my depression and the wave formation
Part III: Taking a shower

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