Last days...

Dear friends,

These are the last of my anti-depressant-pills that I am going to take:

I wanted to stop last year while I had a boyfriend, I felt stable and able. And I was actually starting the process going down from 225mg to 75mg, doing just fine. Then my boyfriend left me (in September) and I needed to take more again, going up to 150mg. And my psychatrist advised me to not stop them at all until I was in a job, where the getting up struggles would cease and make things easier for me.
So why do I stop now? I have had these issues with my arm for ten years, and at the physiotherapists I got asked if I take any medication. I have taken medication on and off for abou 8-10 years. She told me to look at the instruction leaflet and look out for anything to do with muscles. My mom did that for me (if I read it, I get all the side effects listed ;) ) and found that it could lead to muscles not relaxing. Well, after so many years of the depression and the arms feeding off each other in a vicious circle, one doesn't really believe it. Like: my arm could be better if I hadn't taken medication for my depression, which didn't start because of the arm, but definitly held onto me because of it?? Like really? After 10 years?
That's when I went back to my psychatrist to stop taking these supervised by her. She couldn't find this side effect in her book (what?), but she said to believe the physiotherapist (thank you!), so she pulled up a 30 day plan for me. Now I am in the last 8 days. I'm down to 37,5mg, and this week only taking one every second day, monday was the first day without a pill, and it went smooth until the evening when I had some numbness in my lower lip and some dizziness going on (which I've already experienced whenever I forgot my pills). But I am sick, having caught a really bad cold and only laying around anyways. Now it is wednesday and my second day off. It's alright actually.

In spring this year I went to Norway and God drew me closer, after coming home I went to a new church. I now have this community that supports me in prayer and I feel that it makes such a difference.

My energy level and motivation should go down, but they are going UP!! I give a lot of this credit to God, but my prayer warrior friends and the church are a big part as well!

Not buying any more.... CLOTHES

I have been short of money all the time lately (like since coming home from Norway and moving out of my parents house).
So after my last holiday I wanted some new shoes: hipster nikes. I got the cheap edition of them and after that I decided not to buy any more clothes. This is my last purchase of clothes since the beginning of March. And I love these and wear them almost every day.

 I started to declutter my closet at the same time. Just seperating the good from the not-so-good. I started to bless others with my clothes. Everyone that visits me has to look at them. Some days ago I went to declutter my jewelery as well. And books. Things just pile up here. I want to get them out of my home!

So another thing that happend was: I got blessed with clothes by my friends! I haven't really reduced my closet yet, because there's always new things coming in all the while I'm weeding out. It's still in progress!

PS. Remember my drowned phone? A friend read this post and recommended to leave it in uncooked rice for a longer time than only one night. Yesterday my phone was recovered :) I'm back to all my pictures and numbers. Yay!

Wall decor

So, what happend to me since arriving to Norway? Quite a lot. I had a really bad episode of depression in the first two weeks. The last week i got back in tune with God and by helping some afghani people God build me up from scratch. I was literally smashed before I got to visit the YWAM Sola. Short on YWAM: It's a missions organisation that works over-denominational. But coming back to Germany was hard, I felt so alone. But I was provided with a church, which I now attend every sunday and I got many new friends.

Last wednesday in my home group (like prayer group, or house group or whatever it's called ;) ), many of my problems just broke out of me. We talked a lot and prayed over it. The day after I met one special friend and with her I talked about a lot of the same stuff. I saw that I had already changed some perspectives by saying things out loud to her. It was really making an impact. So big, that I actually started creating things again and having fun :)
And I am relaxed even though my mobile phone fell into water, stopped working and now all my numbers and a lot of pictures and things I wanted to remember: GONE. Well, well. Start afresh with a wonderful oldschool phone ;) I am used to that I guess ;)

 But now I want to share my latest creation with you. A bookworm art :) That's me!

I saw this book wreath over at the Nesting Place blog. It just hung on a wall in her bedroom and I was blown away - Look at it!. Partly because of it's size, but I also just like the look of old bookpages all rolled up. So I went to her entry about actually making this wreath. And the thing was: I had all of it available at my home. I have gotten a "non-buyer" lately, so I wouldn't have done it, if I'd had to buy anything. This was the perfect thing to work on while watching the dog whisperer on youtube (Man, how I want a dog ;) ).

So here's number one on my wall in the hall (höhö)

 Yes that's a bag with trash right there and my shoes on the floor (wooot?). I felt i needed one more. This time I put the nail into the wall before making the whole wreath, just to be sure where to place it.

It holds it's own beauty I think, but I still wanted to make one more, so I did:

I love how it turned out!

 Lots of love! And thanks to Chris for reminding me to blog again! :-*